you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
it's like heaven, but drunker
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Randomize
