Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
