i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
