How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
