Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
