we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
