I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
