is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
