i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
