apparently the secret to your success is patron
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Randomize
