i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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