3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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