also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
