Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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