Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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