I cannot find my penis.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
