I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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