Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
