Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
