you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
