my phone needs a breathalizer
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
