His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
this will be a night to untag.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
