Is it normal to miss your booty call?
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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