I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
