The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
