I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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