To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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