Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
