I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I wish I could teleport
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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