I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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