It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Holy sore nipples Batman
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Randomize
