i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
