he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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