I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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