Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
