chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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