My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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