Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
