I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
