Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
