Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
