Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Randomize
