Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
