Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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