So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
