i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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