I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
