all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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