Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
