Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
