I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
