The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i would punch a child for taco bell
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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