awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
